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» Age: 27 » Species:Human » A5 Card: Open » Seeking: XXXXXXXX » Preferences: » Interests: Music, Art, swordplay, reading. » Bio: XXXXXXXXX | ||||||
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Lan Xichen | ||||||
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» Age: 27 » Species:Human » A5 Card: Open » Seeking: XXXXXXXX » Preferences: » Interests: Music, Art, swordplay, reading. » Bio: XXXXXXXXX | ||||||
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Lan Xichen | ||||||
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really late night after 3zun sexfest - un: anonymous; text
Date: 2021-05-12 12:31 am (UTC)Please collect Jin Guangyao. He can be found in either the peony gardens or the cold spring to the west of the fortress estate. Thank you.
[Action. Unclean realm, Lan cold spring, western area, Really late at night or early in the morning]
Date: 2021-05-12 04:06 am (UTC)Really Guangyao how undignified. His mother would be appalled at him right now. So he did what he always did. He straightened up his muddy, and somewhat bloody under robes. His hands and knees were scraped from crawling around the hard ground like a lunatic.
When he got to the cold spring he shunted the fabric off his shoulders. He was going to have to wash it later. He began to pull what leaves and petals he could out of his messy hair and stepped inside the cold pool, shivering as the water touched his skin. He sat down into it, curling into a little ball. He really did feel like crying again. Maybe this was why Lans secluded themselves so that they could get rid of all the terrible nasty emotions they were feeling and come down the mountain, acting like the detached ethereal beings they seemed to be.
Who was going to see him here at this time of night anyway? He may as well have a good cry.]
Re: [Action. Unclean realm, Lan cold spring, western area, Really late at night or early in the morn
Date: 2021-05-12 11:16 am (UTC)And the spring is a small spot of familiarity as he approaches the water, his eyes finding that familiar head and quietly discarding his own robes and shoes before he steps into the spring himself, gently lifting Guangyao to his feet with a finger under his chin. ]
A-Yao...
[ His voice is gentle but concerned as he searches Guangyao's face for some answer to what has him so upset. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-05-12 08:31 pm (UTC)There were so many expectations on him, and he had failed so many of them, his own hatred and resentment in the world growing. And now this. This feeling of safety and it was a false one. If they knew how ugly he was he would cease being safe. And he really wanted to be better this time around. He really did.
He startled when he felt himself being lifted up, calming down after realizing that it was Xichen. His face open and the amount of pain in his features very apparent. He looked a wreck, eyes swollen red from crying and random bits of flowers and twigs stuck in his hair.]
...Er-ge. It's not 5 am yet. I wasn't expecting you to be awake yet.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-12 08:37 pm (UTC)I woke up and found you gone, A-Yao. I was concerned and there was a message that I might find you here so I came to find you. Is..is there anything I can do?
no subject
Date: 2021-05-12 09:07 pm (UTC)Just holding me is...enough.
[His voice was muffled, buried in Xichen's shoulder.]
...I feel overwhelmed, Er-ge.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-12 09:32 pm (UTC)You're not alone here so you don't have to carry everything yourself...
no subject
Date: 2021-05-12 10:22 pm (UTC)I just... [He took a deep shuddering breath. How could he talk about this in a way that will make sense?]
I'm from a time after you Er-ge. Da-ge has been dead for nearly a decade. You gave me your ribbon to put away and then everything with him was so much...
The last time I saw him he hated me so much. And... it's before when we used to be good and he wasn't so angry and scary. I felt safe in between you two and I don't know what to do with that.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-12 10:53 pm (UTC)If I burdened you too much, I'm sorry. You can set that aside as a momentary lapse and focus on building a new relationship with Da-ge. I think you two having a second chance is a good thing, don't you? [He paused, steps back for a moment before lifting some of the water to gently bathe Guangyao's face.]
And if we make you feel safe, that's good as well, yes?
no subject
Date: 2021-05-12 11:17 pm (UTC)It's not just after the war. I think I could never be what he thought of me what he wanted me to be. Not in the world we were in. He used to think that everything should have one way to do things, be just and righteous. But Er-ge justice is reserved for the gentry who have high birth.
I...I am reminded of the things I loved and respected about him.
I don't really like the person I am. I don't like the things I've had to do in my life. I really want to be the person the two of you think I am.
Er-ge, every time I am on top of the steps and think I am brimming with happiness, I only get kicked down again.
...I fear happiness and safety.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-12 11:21 pm (UTC)I'll do whatever I can to help you, though. Both of you because I want this chance for the two of you more than anything else. [At least as long as they're here.]
no subject
Date: 2021-05-12 11:35 pm (UTC)I know. The war took a lot from us. Do you think he'll hate me if he knows who I am or what I did?
I am working on finding solutions, there is a Master here, Master Shen who is the caretaker and had cultivated nearly to immortality. He says he might help with Da-ge's issue that he had handled a qi- deviation before. Perhaps if it is handled early he may have a better chance.
I want him to stay like this, Er-ge. I want him to stay himself.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-12 11:52 pm (UTC)You were so good to Huaisang and you helped me out when I wasn't able to make time to visit Qinghe becaue of... [Xichen trailed off, his expression clouding briefly although the mention of a cure for Mingjue has him silent and staring for a moment.]
....I do as well. When he changed... [Xichen let his eyes close for a moment, remembering before sighing quietly.] But as long as he's alive here, we have a chance.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-13 12:12 am (UTC)Er-ge you had a lot happening, with reconstruction and Wangji...you did your best.
I know he was a different person. He was terrified when he did. We are in a place where we don't have to think about the rest of it. I want to make my second life better. I want to make his better as well.
I think the reason it hits so deeply is that I just...You both have such an effect on me. I've loved you and him so deeply. I'm afraid.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-13 12:20 am (UTC)I tried. I did everything I knew how to... [He'd trusted them to each other and until it was too late, he'd hoped that it had worked, that Mingjue would live, but...]
I think you will, A-Yao. You're more than capable of choosing the path that will provide what you want and you're not afraid of working hard to achieve your own goals. But you need to take care of yourself as well, not just focus on what you think is best for us. Because we want what's best for you too.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-13 12:36 am (UTC)It isn't your fault. [It was his.] It was never yours. You need to know that.
What if that path is hard? It is easier to pretend. One step at a time...[He takes a deep breath and lets it go.]
I...Er-ge you are much too good to me. Your kindness will get you hurt. I corrupt everything I touch...
no subject
Date: 2021-05-13 12:42 am (UTC)The decision is yours, A-Yao, to decide if what you want is worth fighting for. As for being good to you, I'm not any different than I've always been, Guangyao, and you've done so much for me how can I be anything else? ...And there's risk in everything, that's what makes it worth it when things do go the way they should.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-13 12:58 am (UTC)Guangyao looked at the man next to him. The first rays of dawn illuminating his skin, and his eyes were soft. He did everything in his power to keep this man in the dark, in the past. Used his kindness, used his regard. It was all in a plea for safety.
He shook his head.
Lan Xichen was worth fighting for. He was always worth fighting for. And if he didn't fight for him in his last life, he did in his last breath. Nie Mingjue was worth fighting for. The man saw him as more than what he was and lifted him.
He will spend the rest of this new life fighting for both of these men. They were beautiful and complicated.
He loved them.
That stark bit of clarity was very apparent. He loved them and wanted to be loved by them. It was going to be a long uphill battle.]
I love you both. I'm going to do better. I want to fight hard for us to have a good peaceful life here.
[He squeezed his hand.]
However, for now, I think I'm ready to go back to bed. I...I think I ruined my only underrobes. I'm going to try and wash them tomorrow.
I'm also going to be a baby and make a request.
Can you carry me Er-ge?
no subject
Date: 2021-05-13 01:11 am (UTC)[ However there's a soft laugh before he continues. ] You can use my spare underrobe if you need one and we'll figure out clothing tomorrow. And yes, I'll carry you back to Mingjue's rooms. [Then he's moving to his feet to dress before wrapping A-Yao in his underrobe, and letting the other man climb onto his back so he can take him back into the estate proper. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-05-13 01:40 am (UTC)[He snuggled into the robes that smelled like his lover, it was quite a bit big on him but he didn't mind. It made him feel safe and covered. He hopped onto his back and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. He hadn't be carried like this since he was a very small child. His eyes were watery.]
You're so strong Er-ge I don't think I've been carried since I was a little child. I bet I weigh nothing to you.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-13 01:53 am (UTC)You don't. I just thought this would be more..comfortable than carrying you the other way. [And even though they're outside the walls, it's not long before they're back inside and heading for the central residence and Mingjue's bedroom. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-05-13 01:59 am (UTC)[He nuzzles into his neck.]
We should be quiet and not wake Da-ge up. He needs his rest. I'm sorry you had to get up to come to get me. I've been very troublesome.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-13 02:00 am (UTC)And you're no trouble, A-Yao. I'm just glad I could help you at all.
(not here)
Date: 2021-06-29 07:54 pm (UTC)The letter had the insignia of the Lanling Jin clan but tied around it was a Lan forehead ribbon, freshly washed and pressed.
It was addressed to Sect Leader Lan.